gyroscope2000

You’re driving along, cell phone in one hand, hamburger and cigarette in the other, and “Oh crap,” the lorry dips sharply to the left, the cell phone falls over one hundred feet, and the hamburger wedges itself into the carpeted area of the of the hump, just below the shift. Fortunately, for you, the seat belt caught so tightly around your body that you had an instant weight loss of 50 pounds, and your legs have forgotten to circulate blood, but that’s the good stuff.

You look below, and the cell phone that you were having a heated argument with your girlfriend from, has struck a pedestrian whose dazed look and bleeding head tell you that it’s a lawsuit in the making. Crack, squeak, rumble, and you realize that the load in the back of the lorry has shifted to the hanging side of the bridge; you are precariously perched between this world and the life beyond. What to do? Logically, bend over and kiss you asterisk ‘goodbye,’ but no, this lorry driver is a bird of a different feather and has the foresight to realize that all is not lost.

Slowly, he grabs the passenger seat, and begins to haul himself to the other side of the cab, hoping with each minor aggressive maneuver that the cab will not tumble before he can reach the safety of the bridge. He grasped the seatbelt on the passenger side, and pulls with all his might, and up and oops, the hamburger beneath his foot slips. Nissan would say that’s what you get for eating on the run, but his grip on the seat belt is tight as he watches the hamburger slip, slide, and then fall to the ground below striking the same poor pedestrian that caught the cell phone with his left eye. Patches of the lorry driver’s life slip by as he slowly inches out the door and onto the ground, completely forgetting the pedestrian who will be labeled the most unlucky foot-soldier on the war against cell phone drivers. As though his fate were sealed when the lorry slid away from the rail striking the pedestrian, it will be learned in tomorrow’s post that he was a sales representative for Sprint. Ah, the agony of irony.

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