gyroscope2000

Okay, I do not care who you are; you’re not eating my cat. If you’re starving, I suggest Burger King-possibly you will eat an exotic hamburger of Kangaroo, but you’re not eating my cat.

Brenda and Robert Vale of New Zealand have studied the carbon emissions of pets and decided that we need to start eating the common “garden variety” cat, dog, and guinea pig? We have eaten deer that tasted like sage, fish that had a whang that could have been the result of mercury, and rabbit…don’t even ask, but my cat, dog, or if I had one, the guinea pig…not going to happen! There are nations of people that do eat dogs and cats; however, given the other available stock of meats and food sources, these people probably feel they have no choice. Not too many years ago, it was suggested that eating Mickey Mouse-taste like chicken-could supply a plentiful and alternative meat source. Even if rats tasted like roast beef, there would still be a great deal of hesitation on the part of most Americans to dive-in and eat a hearty rat burger, so the idea of eating one’s own pet…that’s not happening either.

The three things we know about our cat, he sleeps most of the time, he occasionally pukes due to eating too quickly, and his litter box works overtime. He doesn’t like people and that, I dare say, would not improve if he were living in fear of becoming the next meal. He has great long hair-the hairballs are another source of constant irritation around here-and he is not overly clean, although he constantly cleans himself between eating and sleeping. There is nothing that would make me look at this cat and think ‘gee, he might go well with beans and potato salad.’ And the dog, well, that’s another kettle of unclean fish altogether. He lives outside because he is too big, too nasty, and not a very bright fellow, but he does have a loveable nature about him. Eat him; forget about it, he doesn’t even smell appealing.

I’m afraid while some might be considering the delicacies of Kitty Fritters, Dog-Nuts, and Guinea Pig Pie, we will stick to the old standbys; the cow, the chicken, the fish, and the piggies. Given the choice between eating my cat or milkweed, the milkweed sounds great. We’ll just dash a bit of pepper juice on the stuff and hope the paramedics come to our rescue in good time.

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